I'm Breaking Up With Law & Order

You might remember a couple weeks ago I wrote about my frustration regarding how I spent my Monday evening.  In response to that post, I received a flood of comments from beautiful readers supporting my choice to "do nothing."  It warmed the cockles of my heart. 

However, I realized my frustration wasn't derived from my lazy behavior.   Because I happily park myself in front of the TV every Tuesday and Thursday evening without qualm.  And it wasn't from my perpetually dirty floors.  I've made my peace with that.  It was that I was sitting in front of the TV watching stupid shows that I didn't even enjoy.  And to spend three hours of my life doing something unenjoyable?  That just seems ridiculous.

That realization is what finally pushed me to read Amy Andrews' ebook Tell Your Time.  And I am incredibly glad I did.  So much of what she wrote resonated with me.  It's not just a manual of how to budget your time.  It's a tool to help you identify the obstacles that are keeping you from living a fulfilling life.

Through the process I learned something very important.  That I don't have concrete goals.  I seem to be simply going through the motions every week with little insight as to where I'm headed or what I want to accomplish.  And I'm just spinning my wheels.  No wonder I'm overwhelmed most of the time. 

Another "ah ha!" moment?  That I really have much more free time than I previously thought.  Once I mapped out all my non-negotiable weekly tasks, I realized that there is a lot of blank space that I can fill with meaningful activities.  And that gave me a calming sense of control over my life.

While I know that not every week will be the same or even mildly predictable, this process has helped me identify opportunities to enhance my life.  So, if you've ever said, "There aren't enough hours in the day!" (*raises hand*) or "I just don't have time to cook a meal!" you might want to consider giving Tell Your Time a chance to improve your life. 

*I have not been compensated in any way for this endorsement.  However, if someone wanted to pay me to endorse something, I would seriously consider it.  Because there's a War on Debt goin' on up in her'!  But be aware that if I don't like something, I'm not going to say otherwise.  However, my parents did tell me that if I don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  And I was a good kid and listened to my parents...  most of the time.

I'm Drowning in Mommy Guilt

Last night I came home from work and dinner was ready. *Score*  I didn't even have to do the dishes.

While my dear husband was finishing up in the kitchen, I played with the kid, puttered around the house, and mostly did... nothing.  And that continued the rest of the evening.

Rationally I know that I should enjoy these rare moments of respite.  However, I can't help but feel bothered by the fact that I was doing nothing.

And those three hours I spent watching tv?  I'd never get that time back. 

photo credit

Time that I could've spent doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, or organizing.  And it's not like they were even good shows.

As a working mom, I have approximately 60 hours a week to squeeze in a week's worth of life.  Dinners, dirty clothes, play dates, errands....  It's overwhelming.

And while I actually believe that I am much more productive now that I have a (paying) job, I am definitely still not making the most of my time. 

(And what was I doing before that made me even less productive, you ask?  Oh yeah, chasing a toddler for 8 hours a day and collapsing on the couch at 730p...)

So, I'm going to try an exercise that I've seen two of my favorite bloggers, Money Saving Mom and The Frugal Girl, put into practice.  Tell Your Time is an ebook written by Amy Andrews that claims to help you "manage your time so you accomplish your life goals and nothing important falls through the cracks."

My first thought?  "Why do I need to spend money on an ebook when I can just read about time management on MSM?"  Because I'm cheap.  And the quality of my efforts show it.  (That hurt to admit.)

But since I'm a big fan of Amy Andrews' blog Blogging With Amy, I thought, WTH, what do I have to lose...?

To be continued...

Contentment

I have a confession to make.  I'm not perfect.  *Gasp*

And actually, I think I'm about as far from perfect as you can get.  Now, I suspect some of that self-deprication stems from a little thing I call my OCD.  I think it all originates from growing up in a house where drink glasses were wisked away to the dishwasher the moment they were set down empty.  I know.  I have problems.  Blame it on my mother.  I can't even begin to imagine what kind of complexes my daughter is going to have.

Instead of cleaning my house last night for impending holiday guests, I created a blog button.

Not so much my priority for the evening...  But isn't it pretty?

I had rationalized that it was too early to start prep cooking for Sunday's feast.

And pretended the toilets weren't disgusting.

Because as much as I want to be "that mom" (you know the one that goes to the gym everyday, gets errands completed with two kids in tow, keeps a spotless house, and has dinner in the crock pot all by 10a), I know that I am not.  And I'm trying to make my peace with that.  But it's not easy.

Lately life has been one big lesson in contentment.  And while I look at others and often times wish my life were different, I know that this path has been put before me to teach me something important.  To learn to live more simply, more appreciatively, more consciously. 

Two years ago really began a new chapter for our family.  With our first baby on the way and both my husband and I recently laid off, we were totaly unprepared to deal with the situation before us. 

It was like going through the five stages of grief.  Or maybe more like a 12-step program. 

Initially there was fear.  Lots of fear.  "How were we going to survive?"  And then there was denial.  "Of course!  Unemployment!  We're gonna be fine..."  Then there was desperate zealousness.  (I know that's not a stage/step.  Work with me here.)  And I threw myself into figuring out how to be a supermom, scouring the interweb for some magic bean that would allow me to be a full time stay at home mom.  But when it was all said and done, I had to accept the fact that the numbers didn't add up.  And that something had to change.

So, here I am. 

And even though I don't get to stay home and have crafting playdates, and my house may not always look the way I'd like, or I long for a small dose of train-wreck cable tv...  I know that every sacrifice makes us a stronger family. 

Also, I'm pretty sure my kid won't grow up with an obsession about clean baseboards.  She may not even know that they are supposed to be cleaned.  And she might be better off because of it.